I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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