i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
