somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
