Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
