it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
