Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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