but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
