I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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