I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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