I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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