I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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