Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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