and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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