You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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