you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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