dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
