he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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