dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
