i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
