YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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