he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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