Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
