I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Too much gin, very little bucket
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
