my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
