the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize