I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
