Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
