If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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