i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
