Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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