Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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