Say something about gay babies.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
