Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
