I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
