Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
