Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
