Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
