I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
