If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize