Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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