youre lurking in front of me
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
