oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
