Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
