Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
