You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
