I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
