you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
