In the future we'll all be gay
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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