New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Randomize
