I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
