therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
