i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
