meet me or not, i'm out of control
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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