so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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