We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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