when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
