dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
