Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
