alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
