I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize