If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
