I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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