God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
