All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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