He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
