Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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