my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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