Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You were trust falling into bushes
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
