This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
